- Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
- Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
- Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
- Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
- Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
- At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
- Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
- Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"
"Congratulations Michael, but remember you didn't win all those medals, someone else did. After all, you swam in public pools, built by state employees using tax dollars. You got training from the USOC, and ate food grown by the Department of Agriculture. You should play fair and share your medals with the people who can barely keep their head above water, let alone swim."
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